Interview: Dave Spikey

Who would attend your fantasy dinner party and what would you eat? Billy Connolly, Woody Allen, Paul McCartney and my dad. I'd make Thai.

Whom did you last text and what was the message? My friend June, who is 55 but texts like a 12 year old. She texted "Soz c u 2moz". This apparently means "Sorry, see you tomorrow". 

What's the best advice you've ever been given? Never compromise your principles to conform.

What's the worst job you ever had? In the microbiology laboratory at Bolton Royal Infirmary. The consultant would inject a tissue biopsy concentrate into a guinea pig's groin and after a few weeks the poor animal would be dissected to examine for signs of TB. I once had to kill a batch of the little fellas. I'll probably go to hell for that.

Who is your favourite fictional character? Hawkeye Pierce in M*A*S*H. A surgeon who saved the lives of wounded soldiers on a daily basis and was very funny, attractive to women and a man's man. 

What are you afraid of? Spiders. There are 5,000 for every person on earth. 

Did you have a nickname? 
Herbie. I had a big nose, sticky-out ears and glasses. My friends said I looked like a VW Beetle with the doors open.

What situations make you lose your temper? When I get stuck behind a road hog driving in the middle lane.

If you could choose a profession that you would like to try, what would that be? Why? Dentist. Think of the power striking fear into the heart of everyone must bring.

What food or drink is always in your fridge? A cucumber. It must have been there for ten years. 

Saturday night or Sunday morning? Saturday night. We get back from Wanderers, meet our wives for a couple of pints. Then out for a curry, pizza or Chinese. 

Who or what is the love of your life? My kids Stephen and Jill.



Dave Spikey's book: My Life: Under the Microscope is published by Michael O'Mara Books, £20.

This article was first published in The Scotsman, 30 October, 2010